I miss the way we used to lie in bed, gazing out our open windows at the stars. I miss the way we'd wait for silence to whisper our thoughts and feelings to our tightly clutched pillows. I miss the way those nights would last until the end of time and I'd lie next to you, knowing that forever was quickly coming to its end. I miss how tight you'd hold on, waiting for that first sliver of light to creep across the horizon and rest upon your heavy eyelids.
But I know that no matter how bad it's missed, it will never come back. I spent days upon days finding a way to break free, just to find myself craving the soft graze of your fingers up my arm and along my collar.
This is what my life has come to. I am a desperate shell of a woman, desperately clinging to past memories of wasted nights.
I will find you one day.
I will be with you until I need you no more.
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
March 27th, 2009 (attempt #2)
Today is my first day off all week and I'm spending it humming lullabies and letting down my friends.
I desperately need to go on a road trip. It's been so long since Kim and I just drove, not caring where we ended up. I need to get away from here. This city can seem so smothering.
For the first time in my life, I am anxious for the summer. I miss the lake. I miss the water. I miss my baby bird. I miss Matt and Herb and Jake. I miss the fires and daddy-long-legs and playing in the sand. I miss flip-flops and short-shorts and tank-tops and anything else that has a dash in it. I miss "initiation" and mocking people. But most of all? I miss sleeping under the stars, laying out on a damp towel in the dirt, and not caring about my future. I used to try and convince myself that if I laid still enough, time would stop, and I could lay like that forever.
This summer will be different, though. This summer won't live up to the last. I've got to work and there are people I'll have to take care of. I feel like my life has been ripped away from me and given to someone more deserving, and all I've been left with are hopeless dreams and empty promises.
I desperately need to go on a road trip. It's been so long since Kim and I just drove, not caring where we ended up. I need to get away from here. This city can seem so smothering.
For the first time in my life, I am anxious for the summer. I miss the lake. I miss the water. I miss my baby bird. I miss Matt and Herb and Jake. I miss the fires and daddy-long-legs and playing in the sand. I miss flip-flops and short-shorts and tank-tops and anything else that has a dash in it. I miss "initiation" and mocking people. But most of all? I miss sleeping under the stars, laying out on a damp towel in the dirt, and not caring about my future. I used to try and convince myself that if I laid still enough, time would stop, and I could lay like that forever.
This summer will be different, though. This summer won't live up to the last. I've got to work and there are people I'll have to take care of. I feel like my life has been ripped away from me and given to someone more deserving, and all I've been left with are hopeless dreams and empty promises.
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