March 27th, 2009 (attempt #2)

Today is my first day off all week and I'm spending it humming lullabies and letting down my friends.
I desperately need to go on a road trip. It's been so long since Kim and I just drove, not caring where we ended up. I need to get away from here. This city can seem so smothering.
For the first time in my life, I am anxious for the summer. I miss the lake. I miss the water. I miss my baby bird. I miss Matt and Herb and Jake. I miss the fires and daddy-long-legs and playing in the sand. I miss flip-flops and short-shorts and tank-tops and anything else that has a dash in it. I miss "initiation" and mocking people. But most of all? I miss sleeping under the stars, laying out on a damp towel in the dirt, and not caring about my future. I used to try and convince myself that if I laid still enough, time would stop, and I could lay like that forever.
This summer will be different, though. This summer won't live up to the last. I've got to work and there are people I'll have to take care of. I feel like my life has been ripped away from me and given to someone more deserving, and all I've been left with are hopeless dreams and empty promises.