Update from the Wii #2

Today was an interesting day. Last Chaos ended up taking a little over 11 hours to download, install, and update. At first, the game didn't work and I was all upset. And then it did. Now, for the record, I have played a lot of shitty MMORPGs in my time. I don't judge a game on graphics most of the time. I downloaded Last Chaos because it was pretty and the reviews seemed decent. The game fucking sucked. Graphics were great, but that's about it. The controls were difficult to get used to and there were little to no guides. You start off in a dungeon fighting zombie corpses before you can walk two steps. Two big ol' disappointed thumbs down. I think I would have been less upset if the game hadn't worked than I am that it did and blew. Oh well. Lesson learned.

At the moment there is a kitten standing on her hind legs staring at me from across the room. She's been doing this lately for extended periods of time and it is totally creepy. Wendy is a creeper. AND OLIVER IS ANNOYING. He is now sitting on the stool I propped my cords on. Grr. If my keyboard cuts out someone is totally getting hit with a pillow.

Bree came over and woke me up around 7 PM today. We rode to Union Lake and played with a duck on the dock. When we got home, we ambushed my little sister and told her how horrible high school is going to be for her. I feel bad, but Bree did all the talking so I am totally innocent.
I need a cute boy in my life. I'm tired of looking at all the uglies around here. Maybe I'll find someone who doesn't make me hurl when classes start.
I am sleepy and Oliver is effectively blocking 25% of the screen so I am giving up.
Maybe a well-thought blog will randomly appear tomorrow night. Who knows? I need to vent.

Update from the Wii #1

Bought the internet channel for my Wii a few hours ago and I'm alreay bored. Poo. Guess I'll just have to update this silly ol' thang. I've been neglecting this again lately, and I know that 95% of my posts are me complaining about how much I suck at updating this, but I'll do better! I promise! I'm going through an exciting phase in my life and I want to have some record of how totally, pissin-in-my-pants scared I am.
Classes start in less than two weeks and I am so fucking scared it is unbelievable. I have absolutely no reason to be afraid. I've done this many times before. I've had nightmares about it for the past week, though. Most of them involve my sister getting hurt and me not being able to do anything. Am I finally ready to be a big sister? :O Oh noooes maybe I am am growing up probably not oh well.
I bought a totally cute handmade messenger bag from Etsy today. It's green and black and cute and one-of-a-kind. For 2 day shipping from Istanbul to NJ, it was like $10. Totally cheaper than I thought it'd be.
In other news, Steve the cat has figured out how to sleep with his eyes open. TOTALLY FUCKING CREEPING ME OUT. Curtains being open at night and the light being off in the bathroom are also things we can add to that list.
I started fiddling with Ps and Ai again, seeing as I'll be using them on a daily basis when classes start. It only took m half an hour to remember how to paste and image. Woo. I'm back to my normal level again, though, so no worries. Made a vintagey Coppertone ad and put it up on my deviantART. 1 view and no comments. This is a low blow to the ego.
Oliver the cat peed on the carpet earlier. I nudged him with my foot to try and stop him. He just peed in the spot I nudged him to. Now I have two pee stains instead of one. Great.
Meh. Running out of things to say. Downloading a game called Last Chaos. Hoping it doesn't completely ruin my computer like Archlord did. I miss that game. ):
TA FOR NOWW <3

erugh. it's so early.

I feel like my face is about to fall off. God, I am such an over-exfoliator. New favorite product:The guy said once a week, but I'm pretty sure that's his native language for twice a day. Right? Right. $89 a bottle, but sooo totally worth it. My face was ridiculously soft and smooth after my first use.
Finishing up Week 1 of babysitting. My aunt was nice enough to offer me a job watching her 8 year old when she found out I had been fired. Speaking of which, I need to call about my final paycheck (which I better fucking get or else).
While cleaning my room, I found my Starcraft CDs. Oh how I have missed you. I WONDER WHAT KAITLYN IS GOING TO BE DOING FOR THE NEXT MONTH. HMM.
The icky dry skin on my pinky and ring finger is getting worse even thought I haven't touched bleach in a week. I'm not good at not peeling skin. :/

Officially terrible at updating this.

Trying to remember it from now on. Sorry Mellybelly! Let's see if I can sum up the past months in one blog post.

• I went to Warped Tour this year with Bree. Can't say too much about it because TURNS OUT I DON'T REMEMBER SHIT FROM FIVE MINUTES AGO. Since February, we've become really close friends. She's there for me now more than anyone.
• I got fired from my shitty job. I collapsed in pain one night and had to have Ross come and get me. Thinking a benign cyst had just burst, I went home. Jade (my manager) wanted me to call and ambulance, but lack of insurance kept me from letting her. To shut her up, Ross just said he'd take me. Next day? Got fired through a TEXT. Bad ass.
• Bree and I spent close to 6 hours cleaning my room. It looks like I just moved in. Throwing useless junk away makes me feel good. Maybe I'll do this cleaning thing more often. I think we used something like eleven trash bags.
• Greg's been MIA for two months now. He said he'd let me know how things turned out after his hearing, but I haven't gotten anything. Taking the lack of contact as not good. :/

I've been thinking abut Greg so much lately. I wish he'd hurry up and get his sentence over with. I cried over him for the first time in months last night. It sucks being away from people you care about. I know that he'll be a totally different person when he gets out, but I'm willing to wait and see. He will always be the most important person to me and I will never forget how he changed me.
I got rid of almost everything any exboyfriend has given me. I kept a stuffed dog in a butterfly sweater that Isaiah gave me, though. Not sure why I couldn't get rid of it. Maybe because he's the only ex I could ever consider being friends with?
Man, being fired sucks.

See you three months from now! :D

I am officially a twitterer.

Ugh. Kill me now.

This is MellyBelly

Kaiticakes buhh hasnt posted in a long time, so hurr you go.
I HEART KAITICAKES BUHHH. hahahaa
so does my cyclops friend .)

xoxo,
-Melanie

I feel like I owe an explanation.

He's gone. For real this time. No turning around, no joking little smirks. Just a cold, barely audible sigh of disgust. I shouldn't have played the games I played, but I had no choice. I couldn't imagine living without him, but the thought of doing anything other than living my life now was even scarier. I had no idea he would react the way he did. And he had no idea it would hurt me the way it did. He can't live with me, and I simply can't live without him.
There is no drive anymore. It took all the strength in me to shake myself and rise out of bed to get a drink of water. I just want things to be the way they were before I met him, but that life is never coming back.

27 May 2009

Nothing to report here. A sudden loss of interest in life has caught my mother's attention and earned me a near lethal dosage of concerned sighs. I wonder when things will start to lighten up.

After all: it's always darkest before the sun rises.

The end.

It's all gone. Good bye, for now.

It's been forever.

I've been neglecting this blog. I've been neglecting the internet, period. I'm never home anymore. I'm always either working, at Pete and Mary's, or asleep.
This weekend was unbearabley hot. I went swimming with a german shepherd who has been known to bite the hell out of my arm. I love wake-and-bakes with Pete's mom at the kitchen table. I'm a bad, bad girl who does illegal things.
In other news, my boss was in a car accident and cracked her neck. Everyone was super bummed at work Friday, but I stayed happy and bright to try and cheer everyone up. It worked. (:

Mellybelly just burped behind me. Yucky! I still love her though. I missed her! I didn't get to see her Friday. She's wearing a hot-dog-eating contest shirt. I bet she won.

HURDY GURDY DERP DERP DERP

I miss you.

I miss the way we used to lie in bed, gazing out our open windows at the stars. I miss the way we'd wait for silence to whisper our thoughts and feelings to our tightly clutched pillows. I miss the way those nights would last until the end of time and I'd lie next to you, knowing that forever was quickly coming to its end. I miss how tight you'd hold on, waiting for that first sliver of light to creep across the horizon and rest upon your heavy eyelids.
But I know that no matter how bad it's missed, it will never come back. I spent days upon days finding a way to break free, just to find myself craving the soft graze of your fingers up my arm and along my collar.
This is what my life has come to. I am a desperate shell of a woman, desperately clinging to past memories of wasted nights.

I will find you one day.
I will be with you until I need you no more.

SO ANYWHO

I revoke my comment about Mellybelly and Maxwell Moore. (: End of story.

I worked a lot yesterday. I'm so tired. Not looking to this weekend. I work EVERY fucking day, 13 hours a day. Atleast I'll have Pete there to annoy. Oh wellz.I got Nino to walk up to Robert last night. I ran into him in the back room and was like "Hey Nino! Do me a favor?" and he was like "Yes babylove?" "Tell Robert he's a pain in my ass." So Nino walked up front and I followed him and Nino grabbed Robert by the shoulders and was like "YOU ARE... A PAIN... IN MY ASS..." I love working with old Italian men. (:

I'm sleepy and me and Mellybelly hate kisses on the mouth from anyone over the age of like 25. For now.

My boss gave me moldy lasagna.

Motha fucka. I'm 'bout to serve buhhh.

SO MELLYBELLY GOES OUT WITH MAXWELL. WOAH. (: YAY.

I missed her so much.

SO I SPENT THE NIGHT AT A CO-WORKERS HOUE SATURDAY NIGHT. God, he's so hot.

The end.

I work too much.

I'm always so tired. I have off today though, so that's good.
Last night after I got done, I came home and laid down and my cat cuddled up next to me. I wuv him. :3 Then he sunk his claws in to my arm.
The end.

Fuck my life.

Nothing ever fucking goes right.
You let your mom call and tell me you killed yourself and bitch me out over it, and then tell me "Oh, I'm sorry, I fucked up, I just didn't know what to do."? It's bullshit. Do you know how much time I've spent crying over you? I'm so fucking sick of being treated like this.
You send me pictures and videos of you cutting yourself and bleeding? You tell me to call you so I can hear you die? You tell me that you're killing yourself because you can't stand to live without me? How dare you try and blame your psychotic mentality on me. You were fucked in the head before you met me and I pity the next person that falls into your trap.
It's bullshit that you'd do that to me. What the fuck did I do to deserve this? I'm a nice person. I've been nothing but nice and supportive of you. You've done nothing but suck the life out of me and make me miserable. If you weren't happy, there was no way that I could ever be happy.
I wish you had fucking killed yourself. I hate you for everything you've put me through.

March 27th, 2009 (attempt #2)

Today is my first day off all week and I'm spending it humming lullabies and letting down my friends.
I desperately need to go on a road trip. It's been so long since Kim and I just drove, not caring where we ended up. I need to get away from here. This city can seem so smothering.
For the first time in my life, I am anxious for the summer. I miss the lake. I miss the water. I miss my baby bird. I miss Matt and Herb and Jake. I miss the fires and daddy-long-legs and playing in the sand. I miss flip-flops and short-shorts and tank-tops and anything else that has a dash in it. I miss "initiation" and mocking people. But most of all? I miss sleeping under the stars, laying out on a damp towel in the dirt, and not caring about my future. I used to try and convince myself that if I laid still enough, time would stop, and I could lay like that forever.
This summer will be different, though. This summer won't live up to the last. I've got to work and there are people I'll have to take care of. I feel like my life has been ripped away from me and given to someone more deserving, and all I've been left with are hopeless dreams and empty promises.

I'm pretty much the biggest dork.

I work so much.

I'm so tired & my feet hurt and I hardly have time for this anymore. That makes me sad. ):

I Want This Forever has been stuck in my head for three days. It's getting old.

Short post for now. I'll tell you about all the amazing things that have happened to me when I have time this weekend.

Cookie crisps. :3

Yumm! I <3 Mellybelly.

Shittiest. Mood. Ever.

Apparently I can't do anything right. Work was great (minus getting stuck in the freezer for 5 minutes), but things have changed so much at home. My mom talks to me like I'm a piece of shit and acts like she regrets having me. I'm so tired of being underappreciated and pushed around. Fuck this shit.