Nothing ever fucking goes right.
You let your mom call and tell me you killed yourself and bitch me out over it, and then tell me "Oh, I'm sorry, I fucked up, I just didn't know what to do."? It's bullshit. Do you know how much time I've spent crying over you? I'm so fucking sick of being treated like this.
You send me pictures and videos of you cutting yourself and bleeding? You tell me to call you so I can hear you die? You tell me that you're killing yourself because you can't stand to live without me? How dare you try and blame your psychotic mentality on me. You were fucked in the head before you met me and I pity the next person that falls into your trap.
It's bullshit that you'd do that to me. What the fuck did I do to deserve this? I'm a nice person. I've been nothing but nice and supportive of you. You've done nothing but suck the life out of me and make me miserable. If you weren't happy, there was no way that I could ever be happy.
I wish you had fucking killed yourself. I hate you for everything you've put me through.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
March 27th, 2009 (attempt #2)
Today is my first day off all week and I'm spending it humming lullabies and letting down my friends.
I desperately need to go on a road trip. It's been so long since Kim and I just drove, not caring where we ended up. I need to get away from here. This city can seem so smothering.
For the first time in my life, I am anxious for the summer. I miss the lake. I miss the water. I miss my baby bird. I miss Matt and Herb and Jake. I miss the fires and daddy-long-legs and playing in the sand. I miss flip-flops and short-shorts and tank-tops and anything else that has a dash in it. I miss "initiation" and mocking people. But most of all? I miss sleeping under the stars, laying out on a damp towel in the dirt, and not caring about my future. I used to try and convince myself that if I laid still enough, time would stop, and I could lay like that forever.
This summer will be different, though. This summer won't live up to the last. I've got to work and there are people I'll have to take care of. I feel like my life has been ripped away from me and given to someone more deserving, and all I've been left with are hopeless dreams and empty promises.
I desperately need to go on a road trip. It's been so long since Kim and I just drove, not caring where we ended up. I need to get away from here. This city can seem so smothering.
For the first time in my life, I am anxious for the summer. I miss the lake. I miss the water. I miss my baby bird. I miss Matt and Herb and Jake. I miss the fires and daddy-long-legs and playing in the sand. I miss flip-flops and short-shorts and tank-tops and anything else that has a dash in it. I miss "initiation" and mocking people. But most of all? I miss sleeping under the stars, laying out on a damp towel in the dirt, and not caring about my future. I used to try and convince myself that if I laid still enough, time would stop, and I could lay like that forever.
This summer will be different, though. This summer won't live up to the last. I've got to work and there are people I'll have to take care of. I feel like my life has been ripped away from me and given to someone more deserving, and all I've been left with are hopeless dreams and empty promises.
I work so much.
I'm so tired & my feet hurt and I hardly have time for this anymore. That makes me sad. ):
I Want This Forever has been stuck in my head for three days. It's getting old.
Short post for now. I'll tell you about all the amazing things that have happened to me when I have time this weekend.
I Want This Forever has been stuck in my head for three days. It's getting old.
Short post for now. I'll tell you about all the amazing things that have happened to me when I have time this weekend.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Shittiest. Mood. Ever.
Apparently I can't do anything right. Work was great (minus getting stuck in the freezer for 5 minutes), but things have changed so much at home. My mom talks to me like I'm a piece of shit and acts like she regrets having me. I'm so tired of being underappreciated and pushed around. Fuck this shit.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Tonight was pretty much amazing.
I went to that band showcase thing at Hangar 84 and pretty much only stayed long enough to watch Roades play and have Shana take a billion pictures of Bree and me.
We left to go to the Hamilton mall to meet up with some of Bree's friends and I sat and rode the escalator like 50 times.
As we were leaving the mall, I ran straight into a fucking door. Like, I watched the security guy lock it, and still RAN right into it. (I was running to beat Bree and Shana to the car) All the kids who were outside saw it and laughed and made fun of me. ):
Then we drove some kids to a gas station where I learned that SHANA CANNOT TELL HER LEFT FROM HER RIGHT.
Then we started to drive home, and when Shana tried to turn around after a wrong turn, some car started following us. They followed for a good 30 minutes until we were almost at Shana's house. We were dancing and singing Bohemian Rhapsody and Gives You Hell and some other song.
Shana turned the music down and was like "Has anyone else noticed that that car has been following us?" which is what I was thinking like two seconds before she said that.We started freaking out and Shana kept taking all these turns to try and lose them, and then all of a sudden there's like four cop cars behind us and they all have their lights on. We pulled over and apparently the dude was following us because he thought we were drunk. We were sooo relieved. I swear to god I thought we were going to die.
Then we went to Starbucks and ran into people I don't like to talk about. When we were pulling out of the parking lot, Shana did something dumb and spilled her drink into her cup holders. They were both filled with some iced drink. She had to scoop it out with napkins. She kept throwing the napkins out the window. When we were done cleaning it up, we noticed an empty bag we could have used for trash.
Then we drove to Bree's so I could get my clothes and life-lines, and some car was parked with a bunch of d00ds sitting in it so we drove by really slow and I made faces at them.
I've never almost peed myself so many times in one night. Thank you guys so much. <3 You're the best.
Now I'm watching my kitten fight with a sock. :3
We left to go to the Hamilton mall to meet up with some of Bree's friends and I sat and rode the escalator like 50 times.
As we were leaving the mall, I ran straight into a fucking door. Like, I watched the security guy lock it, and still RAN right into it. (I was running to beat Bree and Shana to the car) All the kids who were outside saw it and laughed and made fun of me. ):
Then we drove some kids to a gas station where I learned that SHANA CANNOT TELL HER LEFT FROM HER RIGHT.
Then we started to drive home, and when Shana tried to turn around after a wrong turn, some car started following us. They followed for a good 30 minutes until we were almost at Shana's house. We were dancing and singing Bohemian Rhapsody and Gives You Hell and some other song.
Shana turned the music down and was like "Has anyone else noticed that that car has been following us?" which is what I was thinking like two seconds before she said that.We started freaking out and Shana kept taking all these turns to try and lose them, and then all of a sudden there's like four cop cars behind us and they all have their lights on. We pulled over and apparently the dude was following us because he thought we were drunk. We were sooo relieved. I swear to god I thought we were going to die.
Then we went to Starbucks and ran into people I don't like to talk about. When we were pulling out of the parking lot, Shana did something dumb and spilled her drink into her cup holders. They were both filled with some iced drink. She had to scoop it out with napkins. She kept throwing the napkins out the window. When we were done cleaning it up, we noticed an empty bag we could have used for trash.
Then we drove to Bree's so I could get my clothes and life-lines, and some car was parked with a bunch of d00ds sitting in it so we drove by really slow and I made faces at them.
I've never almost peed myself so many times in one night. Thank you guys so much. <3 You're the best.
Now I'm watching my kitten fight with a sock. :3
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Two Updates
- I just got a new job!
- Some random girl is up my ass about something she can't change.
I went for an interview at this place called Serafina's today. They hired me on the spot and I start on Monday. It's this cute little Italian, family-owned pizzeria right down the street from where I live. The only down-side is that I have to learn all these Italian words that are hard to pronounce and I've already failed at learning new languages.
I'm sick of everyone being so quick to fight. You attack a complete stranger over the internet, throwing insults at them about their looks or music choice, and act like you know them based solely on the fact that you have them added as a friend on MySpace? That's so unbelievebly immature. I hate that people have the nerve to argue with you online, but can never back their shit up when you see them face-to-face. I'm not a violent person and I really hate conflict, but I'm not going to let someone push me around. It's idiotic that people would chew me out because I hooked up with someone a long time ago. It's in the past! There's nothing you can do to change what's happened!
Ugh. I hate people.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Narnia
I've put off watching The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian for so long because I knew it would make me cry. Those movies always make me long for something I'll never have. I know, I know. But Kait! Anything is possible if you try hard enough! Yeah? Bullshit. No matter how hard I try I will never have tea with a badger. Ever.
I'd seriously give anything to live in Narnia.
I'd seriously give anything to live in Narnia.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Snow!
These are from a week or so ago. I love this shit so much!
Also, because I can't resist, Steve!
A little Catography, anyone?
I took a ridiculous amount of pictures of my cats in their first time out in snow, but I never got around to transferring them from my camera. Wendy couldn't join them in their adventure because she had just gotten cut open by mean Vets who thought it would be nice to remove her female parts. I took her out in a tote bag so she could at least look around and see what the hell that mysterious white shit that covered the ground was. Oliver had a ball and growled at me when I tried to take him inside. Steve uhh... Well, Steve kinda... He didn't like it so much. He especially didn't like it when he misjudged how deep a snow bank was.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
It's a beautiful day.
I plan on wasting it watching home makeover shows on HGTV and cuddling with Steve. How come all the cute designer d00ds are gay? Not fair. I mean, look at this guys abs!* Sheesh. You can invade my home any day. ;)
I miss having long catwoman nails. I haven't had fake nails since November. They turned my real nails to thin & brittle pieces of shit, but things were soooo good while they lasted. I could unlock things super easy! Now I need to get a butter knife or something to unlock the bathroom door when my sister hides from me.
This weekend is like packed for me. I'm going to Mellybelly's party on saturday and then I think I'm going with Brianna to this antique show on Sunday. I've got a billion loads of laundry to do, too. Why can't I ever have a day off? I think I deserve a day to just chill in the bathtub with a glass of wine and a corny romance novel.
I may or may not be going shopping later. I'm trying to hang out with Brianna, but eye dee kay yet. I miss hanging out with her every day and playing in the snow with her dog. Kizzy is my favorite puppy ever.
Gumby Bangin Horses is my favorite video ever. EVER. Well, almost. It's hilarious. I quote it like 90 times a day.h
* I'm pretty sure David Bromstad is the sexiest man alive.**
** Heath Ledger, if he were still alive, would fill that spot.
I miss having long catwoman nails. I haven't had fake nails since November. They turned my real nails to thin & brittle pieces of shit, but things were soooo good while they lasted. I could unlock things super easy! Now I need to get a butter knife or something to unlock the bathroom door when my sister hides from me.
This weekend is like packed for me. I'm going to Mellybelly's party on saturday and then I think I'm going with Brianna to this antique show on Sunday. I've got a billion loads of laundry to do, too. Why can't I ever have a day off? I think I deserve a day to just chill in the bathtub with a glass of wine and a corny romance novel.
I may or may not be going shopping later. I'm trying to hang out with Brianna, but eye dee kay yet. I miss hanging out with her every day and playing in the snow with her dog. Kizzy is my favorite puppy ever.
Gumby Bangin Horses is my favorite video ever. EVER. Well, almost. It's hilarious. I quote it like 90 times a day.h
* I'm pretty sure David Bromstad is the sexiest man alive.**
** Heath Ledger, if he were still alive, would fill that spot.
I'm sitting next to M3lanie!
M3lanie! just so happens to be my password to my laptop. :P I love this girl to death. She's so retarded, but that only makes me lover her more. Everytime I get a big Wawa Iced Tea (raspberry, duh) I cover it in inside jokes. I've only known this girl since August or September, but it feels like forever.
Anyway, moving on. MIKE SAID I'M THE STUNT DOUBLE FOR THE BOULDER IN INDIANA JONES. He wants me to shoot the fade. Shit's going doooown.
I almost died the other day. I pulled out in front of some guy who was going around 60 mph and my car stalled. Shit is rough.
This blog post is retarded and isn't going to go anywhere. I've come to the conclusion that my life is boring and now one would be interested in reading this.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Wow. Pissed.
So, I have absolutely no idea what's going on but apparently my cell phone is getting shut off for like no reason and I have no idea what's going on and this is a huge run on sentence and I don't care and I'm just pissed pissed pissed and THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I fucking hate this unemployed shit. I miss having a job and monies.
I applied at Arby's today because they're in like desperate need of people and I just so happen to be in desperate need of a job. I also ate a delicious danish and spilled a soda in my lap! Yay!
This is such bullshit. I love my phone to DEATH. It's PERFECT. I know like everyone has the EnV2, but I don't care because they aren't me and don't have mine. Mine is so much better than everyone else's because it. Belongs. To. Me. It's mine! I love that shit so much.
Other than my whole world crashing down because the possible loss of my cellular device, tonight was okay. Hung out with Kim and found a KVZ purse for only $40 that I'm in looooove with. Bought a few scarves, a shirt, and some Starbucks. Hung out with Shauna and Kim and rode around and then picked up Jess. Jess had to go because the cops were looking for her and I have no idea what happened with that. All I know is I didn't get drunk and I'm pisssssed dawg.
I'm going to bed. I have to figure this shit out. Fuck my life.
I applied at Arby's today because they're in like desperate need of people and I just so happen to be in desperate need of a job. I also ate a delicious danish and spilled a soda in my lap! Yay!
This is such bullshit. I love my phone to DEATH. It's PERFECT. I know like everyone has the EnV2, but I don't care because they aren't me and don't have mine. Mine is so much better than everyone else's because it. Belongs. To. Me. It's mine! I love that shit so much.
Other than my whole world crashing down because the possible loss of my cellular device, tonight was okay. Hung out with Kim and found a KVZ purse for only $40 that I'm in looooove with. Bought a few scarves, a shirt, and some Starbucks. Hung out with Shauna and Kim and rode around and then picked up Jess. Jess had to go because the cops were looking for her and I have no idea what happened with that. All I know is I didn't get drunk and I'm pisssssed dawg.
I'm going to bed. I have to figure this shit out. Fuck my life.
New blog. :3
New blogs always remind me of brand new notebooks. I love brand new notebooks. I love them a lot.
I've recently come to the conclusion that I have the most amazing group of friends in the world. It's probably because we rode around in the back of some guys huge truck last night and got filthy and then went to Taco Bell. I really like how comfortable I am around Jess and Shauna. They totally could have mocked me more when the packet of sauce exploded in my face, but they didn't. Yay.
I have plans with Kimberly tonight. We're probably going to spend the night drinking in the bowling alley parking lot (our usual) and filling out some more job applications. Our current employer is an entertaining alcoholic, but we work with a bunch of perverted fucks.
Mellybelly, just so you don't feel left out if you happen to stumble across this, I love you. :3 BFF 4 EVA d00d.
Oh! Something new to add to the list of obsessions! Currently it's comprised of Heath Ledger as the Joker, Union Lake, driving on the wrong side of the road with my lights out, Call of Duty and Starcraft, Civilization 3, Facebook, and bubble baths. Can anyone guess what it is? That's right! The Hush Sound! Godddd they're amazing. They make my heart melt.
This blog post is getting awfully long (by my standards) so I suppose I'll end it here and post something insignificant later that will make my mother roll her eyes.
I've recently come to the conclusion that I have the most amazing group of friends in the world. It's probably because we rode around in the back of some guys huge truck last night and got filthy and then went to Taco Bell. I really like how comfortable I am around Jess and Shauna. They totally could have mocked me more when the packet of sauce exploded in my face, but they didn't. Yay.
I have plans with Kimberly tonight. We're probably going to spend the night drinking in the bowling alley parking lot (our usual) and filling out some more job applications. Our current employer is an entertaining alcoholic, but we work with a bunch of perverted fucks.
Mellybelly, just so you don't feel left out if you happen to stumble across this, I love you. :3 BFF 4 EVA d00d.
Oh! Something new to add to the list of obsessions! Currently it's comprised of Heath Ledger as the Joker, Union Lake, driving on the wrong side of the road with my lights out, Call of Duty and Starcraft, Civilization 3, Facebook, and bubble baths. Can anyone guess what it is? That's right! The Hush Sound! Godddd they're amazing. They make my heart melt.
This blog post is getting awfully long (by my standards) so I suppose I'll end it here and post something insignificant later that will make my mother roll her eyes.
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